Veteran's Voice: 'One Plate at the Table'
The world turns up the volume this time of year — lights, music, commercials, and so many slogans about “joy.” The truth is, a lot of veterans and caregivers spend the holidays holding more pain than they can say out loud, drowning in things like grief, distance, exhaustion, bills, and isolation.
There’s a kind of silence that settles into some homes this time of year.
Not the peaceful kind — the heavy kind.
In those homes, there's only one place setting, because the person who used to sit there is spending the holidays in a long-term care facility two states away. Every closer option was full, unaffordable, or simply didn’t exist for veterans who need that level of care.
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That’s one version of the quiet, but it isn’t the only one.
There’s an aging Vietnam veteran in a double-wide outside Hillsville, heating the house with an ancient kerosene heater and stretching cans of soup because the grocery bill has to wait until his next disability deposit clears.
There’s a 42-year-old Iraq vet who hasn’t been to a holiday gathering in years, because crowds and noise feel like a threat he can’t explain to anyone who hasn’t lived inside his skin.
There’s a widow in Pulaski who used to fill a whole dining room with decorations and a banquet who eats at the counter because the table feels too big with all the now-empty chairs still there.
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There’s a veteran in Floyd County who hasn’t seen family in months because their only relatives live three hours away, and the car stopped being reliable two winters ago.
There are still caregivers, quietly holding the weight of someone else’s life, loving across miles, paperwork, memory loss, physical deterioration and the kind of exhaustion no one ever sees.
These aren’t rare stories; they’re just quiet ones.
The world turns up the volume this time of year — lights, music, commercials, and so many slogans about “joy.” The truth is, a lot of veterans and caregivers spend the holidays holding more pain than they can say out loud, drowning in things like grief, distance, exhaustion, bills, and isolation. They feel the ache of knowing life used to look different, and wishing it still did.
They aren't doing anything wrong, they're just overwhelmed. If you’re reading this and you’re one of the people sitting in that quiet — whether you’re a veteran, a caregiver, or both — know this:
You are not invisible.
You are not forgotten.
You are not the only one living a different kind of holiday.
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If you’re someone who is doing alright this year — this is where community matters. Check in on the veteran or widow down the road. Drop off something warm without being asked. Don’t say, “Let me know if you need anything.”
Just do something small, but real.
If you’re the one carrying the weight: there are places to turn in this region, even if you feel like you'd be a burden. Food banks like Plenty! can help with groceries. The county Department of Social Services can help with heating assistance and fuel costs. Churches fill in gaps faster than most people realize. Veteran nonprofits — including Mountain Valor — can help with benefits navigation, emergency support, and just making sure you don’t have to figure everything out alone.
You don’t have to “earn” help. You already served, or you’ve been supporting someone who did for years. You’re not asking for a favor; you’re accessing what should have existed for you all along.
Love doesn’t always look like a full house and a noisy room. Sometimes it's the peace of knowing you have folks to turn to when you're struggling. Around here, no one should have to do that alone.
Author of the "Veteran's Voice" column, Kathryn Whittenberger is a retired Navy Senior Chief, the Executive Director of Mountain Valor Services, and a Floyd County resident.
Do you have a question or idea you’d like to see covered in a future column? Email us at support@mtnvalor.org — your input helps us share the information our community needs most.
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