Curriculum Corner: ‘Forgiveness — Time for some advanced Choose Love’
“Curriculum Corner” is a new, bi-weekly column written for Floyd Times by Blue Mountain School teachers to share insight and school happenings. Blue Mountain School is a progressive, contemplative school in Floyd where intentional curriculum planning is part of the everyday.
By David Choquette,
Blue Mountain School Copper teacher (4th-5th grade)
As you may know, the Copper class spends a few minutes each morning studying character and social-emotional well-being through the Choose Love curriculum. There are four big traits to frame our discussions all year: Courage, Gratitude, Forgiveness, and Compassion in Action.
With courage, we worked to gain confidence to face difficult situations, stand up to our friends, navigate conflict, and deal with stress. We realized we can and should practice courage every day, not just when we face physical danger.
The second trait, gratitude, was easy to apply. Thankfulness makes the giver and the receiver feel better, and it was a joy to look for new ways to thank people each day.
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Last week we started on forgiveness, which is much more difficult. It’s not easy to forgive someone or to ask for forgiveness. It didn’t take long for a classmate to say, “I can forgive someone for this, but I could never forgive someone for that,” and for others to nod our heads.
Movies and books feed us a constant diet of revenge rather than forgiveness. Yet we know forgiveness is something we all need to receive, and therefore need to give, on a daily basis.
I find that students (and grown-ups) often have a warped view of what it means to forgive. Forgiving doesn’t mean you weren’t hurt by what the other person did — it means you love them anyway. It doesn’t mean you’re okay with them doing it again — it means you’re choosing to move ahead to better things.
Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, but a show of strength, and it benefits the forgiver as much as it benefits the forgiven. Holding a grudge poisons your own mind and spirit.
Maya Angelou said, “It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.”
Students often say they’re willing to forgive if the other person says sorry first, but we don’t have to give anyone else the power to decide when we forgive. The “choose” part is as important as the “love” part!
I urge families to consider the language they use around repentance and forgiveness at home.
At Blue Mountain School we don’t make students “say sorry” if they hurt someone’s body or feelings. “Sorry” is an emotion, and it’s impossible to force someone to feel sorry. Furthermore, feeling sorry doesn’t really make things better.
Instead, we encourage students to offer to help the person they have harmed, to repair the damage to their relationship. Apologizing can be a part of that, but there is always more we can do to restore.
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It’s important for students to know that adults are still working on this too. Do you model repentance, forgiveness, and restoration at home? Are you holding on to grudges you would be better off letting go?
Scarlett Lewis founded the Choose Love movement after her six-year-old son, Jesse, was murdered in an act of senseless violence. When she put forgiveness at the center of the curriculum, she really, really meant it.
I hope none of us ever have to forgive a thing like that, but I know we will all still struggle to forgive something at some point in our lives. It’s not easy, and it never will be, but it’s worth it, and we can help each other.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to work with your precious children on this meaningful and humbling topic.
“Curriculum Corner” is a new, bi-weekly column written for Floyd Times by Blue Mountain School teachers to share insight and school happenings. Blue Mountain School is a progressive, contemplative school in Floyd where intentional curriculum planning is part of the everyday.