Author discusses 'transformational' story of self-discovery in new memoir
The book outlines her search for ways to better express her needs and set boundaries, along with counseling sessions, Quaker friendships, changes in living arrangements and jobs, interactions with her son, and her efforts to create distance so that she could navigate an independent and healthy life.
It took Marsha Haines Winters eight years to write her book, "With Good Reasons: My Heartfelt Journey From Co-Dependency to a Self-Nurturing Life," a creative memoir that she describes as a true life story that has been “painful but also transformational in terms of who I became and the people that helped me along the way.”
At an Author’s Talk at Jessie Peterman Memorial Library on May 23, Winters addressed approximately 25 people. She thanked the local friends who helped with editing and formatting the book and noted that proceeds from sales will go to the Women’s Resource Center of the New River Valley – a nonprofit organization that provides services to adult and child victims of sexual and domestic violence — where Winters has volunteered in the past.
Writing the book began with a creative writing workshop that opened the floodgates to the story that Winters had been journaling about for decades. The book chronicles her 16 years of marriage, which were often fraught with tension, and her own thoughtful explorations into untangling childhood experiences that set the stage for her responses, sensitivities, and doubts as an adult.
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Winters said she believes her now ex-husband felt threatened by her growth. The book recounts controlling and emotionally demanding behavior that "brought devastation falling down around us," she said, referring to an incident near the end of the book that confirmed her intuition and her wisdom in ending her marriage.
She read from several of the book’s chapters, including the first chapter, set during one of the couple’s separations when she returned to the home that she and her husband built together in West Virginia:
“Seeing his car brought flashbacks of leaving, his anguish filled yelling, 'I love you. Don’t you love me?' The reverberations across the mountains... following me... He’d made arrangements for his parents to drive him to Pennsylvania early that morning, and for me to arrive in the afternoon. He had planned to be gone for a week-long vacation. Hence, we wouldn’t see each other. My heart ripped into two camps: one wanting to flee this place of our winter turmoil, the other insisting I stop and embrace this place. Besides, our pets needed me.”
The book outlines her search for ways to better express her needs and set boundaries, along with counseling sessions, Quaker friendships, changes in living arrangements and jobs, interactions with her son, and her efforts to create distance so that she could navigate an independent and healthy life.
“I have struggled through hours of counseling, hours of soul searching in the wilds among nature, hours of sharing with family and friends, and hours of recording my thoughts and concerns in journals. Through those explorations, I’ve developed a healing path,” she wrote.
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Winters" hope, she said, is that her book will help others who are in abusive relationships. “The book gives insight into abuse that is not physical. I hadn’t realized there was such a thing until I was immersed in it.” Audience members posed questions and Winters elaborated on parts of the story.
She spoke of the writing process and provided tips for giving support to someone in an abusive relationship. She explained that it’s best not to give advice that could further undermine a person’s sense of power and choice, but that feedback like "here’s a phone number," "I’m here for you," or "I believe in you" can be more helpful.
“It was a labor of love,” Winters said about writing the book, noting that the process of writing it brought new tears but also brought her further healing.
"With Good Reasons" is available to order at The Book House or contact Winters at mhw.reasons@gmail.com. The Women’s Resource Center of the New River Valley 24/7 hotline is (540) 639-1123.
